Human bodies are classic hoarders, refusing to toss out their harmful toxins and other useless bric-a-brac until their spleens become trapped under avalanches of old newspapers. Unclutter your carcass with today’s Groupon to Cleansing Day Spa in downtown Brooklyn. Choose between the following options:
- For $25, you get a 45-minute colon hydrotherapy session (a $55 value).
- For $15, you get a 25-minute energy ion foot bath (a $30 value).
Cleansing Day Spa takes a holistic approach to wellness and beauty, aiming to improve health by reducing bodily toxins. Its ionic foot bath uses charged atoms, which act like tiny toxin-seeking magnets to neutralize and eliminate body trash, thereby reducing stress on the liver, kidney, immune system, and internal janitorial staff. Colon hydrotherapy flushes embedded waste from the colon in a safe and sanitary way to help boost gastrointestinal health and overall wellness.
The whole idea that the human body is full of “toxins” that need to be actively cleansed is utterly bogus. It’s an enticing idea–spend half an hour in a spa and undo all the nachoes and martinis and smog. But enticing doesn’t make it true. The body is self-cleaning; it’s pretty good at eliminating waste on its own.
The inimitable Ben Goldacre–Dr. Debunk himself–has more on the foot bath pseudoscience in particular. Plus, a good rule of thumb for evaluating these kinds of claims on your own: ” ‘Toxin’ is classic pseudoscience terminology.” Amen.
P.S. What I find particularly troubling about this Groupon listing is the tone. It’s one long ad, but because it’s written from on high, by some omnipotent being/Groupon staffer, it masquerades as fact. All Groupon listings have this tone, by the way, and it’s not the first time I’ve noticed incredible/dubious claims being made in the text. I know the goal is to sell services, but does Groupon have a responsibility to make a good faith effort to get the facts right? It would be one thing if Groupon was merely running, verbatim, some text that, say, a spa had written itself. Then the website could just put quotation marks around the whole thing and run some sort of disclaimer. But does Groupon’s responsibility change when the writers it hires make these claims on their own, in their own words? I’d say yes.