Science Fiction Kitchenware

The officially licensed Star Trek Enterprise pizza cutter: Go where no mozzarella has gone before. (Photo: Joe Hall, via Flickr/joebeone)

Somewhere out in space, past Tatooine, Arrakis, Gallifrey, Trantor, and the Delta Quadrant, there is a wedding registry at the end of the universe. Kind of a Bed Bath & Beyond with extra emphasis on the beyond. Please consider what follows to be its catalog.

It began to take shape as a result of my browsing through Space.com to check back on a news story I’d noticed last week. The loading of my page was delayed by a pop-up advertising a product available in the site’s gift shop: an official Star Trek licensed replica of the USS Enterprise (NCC-1701) starship incarnated as a pizza knife. See how the sharpened rim of the spinning saucer section stands ready to slice through any Tholian web of string cheese?

My tweeted comment about it led to an exchange with science blogger David Shiffman (@WhySharksMatter) of Southern Fried Science.

@tvjrennie: For $30, you could buy this Star Trek Enterprise pizza slicer. goo.gl/Skr8H Eat pizza with your imaginary girlfriend!

@WhySharksMatter: @tvjrennie My girlfriend tolerates my Darth Vader spatula. It’s actually a really nice spatula.

Naturally, I replied with my hallmark restraint and dry wit. Because less is more.

@tvjrennie: @WhySharksMatter <breath> “Turn to the dark side of the pancake, Julia!”

@tvjrennie: @WhySharksMatter <breath> “Together, we shall rule the breakfast buffet!”

@tvjrennie: @WhySharksMatter <breath> “I AM YOUR SPATULA!!!”

Then it only seemed right to open up the discussion more widely.

@tvjrennie: [1/2] Apropos the Star Trek Enterprise pizza cutter, I am alerted by @WhySharksMatter to the existence of a Darth Vader spatula. So…

@tvjrennie: [2/2] Please tell me of other sci-fi themed kitchenware, real or imagined. #scifikitchenware

And we were off to the races with a list of actual science fiction-themed kitchen products, starting with what I think we can all agree was far too much more information about David Shiffman’s spatula. The licensing people for the world’s science fiction franchises have been very busy….

For the rest of this story, see my complete retelling of events on Storify.

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The Science Fiction Kitchenware by Retort, unless otherwise expressly stated, is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 International License.

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